I have often heard people in recovery talk about hitting rock bottom. Hitting my own bottom of depression has enabled me to come to an amazing awareness: I had been sourcing my life from an illusion. I had been running on empty for a long time. Not until I hit rock bottom did I realize that the gas gauge within me was damaged. I needed a deeper reality. I was beginning to know the meaning of Acts 17:28: “In him we live and move and have our being.”
The Source of My Being
My being is the me that manifested in divine love at my conception. In Christ there is fullness of life, not the coma that I had lived through rote activity and damning rules. I had lived as though my activities sourced my life — as though they gave me life — only to find that while they may have seemed like good activities, in time they literally drained the life out of me. I needed to be recharged, but I didn’t know this until I was on empty; hitting the bottom helped me to know what my empty was like.
Some folks have a longer battery life than others. Perhaps their lives are not so demanding. Perhaps some of us are poorly charged for the tasks of life awaiting us. Or we start out of the gate at such a pace that by our mid-thirties we find ourselves depleted. For all my life to this point I had presumed that my effort sustained me, crazy as it sounds. But through the depression, I was being freed from those notions of self-sustainability.